February 2007 Archives

Why oh why do they have to censor Samuel L. Jackson?

I had to put $540 in repairs to my brakes and steering system on my oldsmobile. And I found out my oldsmobile is only worth $500. And thats without getting the AC to work. But, a facebook group reminded me of my heritige:

For all of you who drive in CT, take the following to the road.

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Connecticut driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.
5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. Connecticut is a no-fault insurance state and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a suggestion and are apparently not enforceable in Connecticut during rush hour.
9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Connecticut driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
10. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Connecticut is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks to the State Highway Department, which puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
12. It is customary in Connecticut to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light turns green.
13. Remember that the goal of every Connecticut driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.

Cuz I'm a punkrocker...

Freshman will appear in court for two rug charges